May 252016
 
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The Stray Thoughts team has escaped from the Jovian Republic, but their exit is not going as smoothly as they’d hoped. After stepping through a Pandora gate and onto a distant exoplanet, they discover that the blue box that was supposed to allow them to return to the solar system is missing. Their only hope of getting home is to explore the surface of this new world until they find it. The team soon encounters a village full of stunted purple beings who claim to be the descendants of humans brought here during The Fall, a people whose absent sky gods promised them long ago that one day, they would be summoned home to “The Broken Herth.” Overjoyed at the fulfillment of the ancient prophecy, the villagers celebrate the former Sentinels’ arrival with a magnificent feast. However, during the festivities it becomes clear that the diminutive purple people live under the oppressive rule of a fearsome dragon, likely a TITAN bioengineering experiment in legendary creatures, and that the beast is currently in possession of the blue box they seek. If they ever want to return home, they’ll have to journey to the dragon’s mountaintop lair on the planet’s searing daylit side and slay the creature without getting barbecued. Can they pull it off?

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May 182016
 
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This week, the Stray Thoughts team goes on its toughest mission yet, a trip to Jovian space, to retrieve something from one of Gavin’s former colleagues. Much as things have remained eerily unchanged over the past century, the military oligarchy that once governed the Jovian Republic has been overtaken by a new, more open-minded regime. The greatest hero in the war of liberation, a woman known as “La Puta,” has enjoyed a long career as a prominent public figure and elected representative, and now lives in seclusion under heavy guard. This woman, Gavin tells the group, is in possession of a miniature server whose contents he cannot disclose, a device that they must retrieve if they want his help getting into Elis’ party. Can the ex-Sentinels infiltrate Liberty City, gain access to a prominent Jovian citizen known for her reclusiveness and abrasive demeanor, and convince her to give up the server?

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May 112016
 
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Exhausted from rescuing the Martian dignitaries from Barsoomian agitators, the Stray Thoughts team takes a break from fighting terrorists for a Girls’ Day Out in Elysium. They’ll need to look and feel their best when when they meet the reclusive Marquis, Mars’ crime kingpin. They’ve been invited to a gala event at his estate, a party where anyone who’s anyone is wearing the latest meta-material fashions. When they make contact, The Marquis gives them a simple mission to test their trustworthiness. If they can arrange a meeting with his long-estranged partner-in-crime, a legitimate businessman named Abebe, he’ll send them on an errand that will get them invited to Elis’ party. To learn the reasons behind Proxy Mute’s betrayal, they’ll have to complete this simple courier op, but can they pull it off without resorting to horrifying amounts of violence? Continue reading »

May 042016
 
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This is the story of three brothers—three big mutherfuckin’ crab trucker brothers, that is. When the great Crab Goddess deigns to give these unworthy assholes a mission, they hop in Large Marge, their big mutherfuckin’ truck, and hit the rickety mutherfuckin’ road. They’ve been charged with the holy mutherfuckin’ quest of hauling a metric assload of acorns across state lines, for purposes so ineffable and mutherfuckin’ divine that three pathetic, soft-shelled mutherfuckin’ mortals dare not question them. Their path is beset by all sorts of pains in the mutherfuckin’ ass, like lobster raiders, impotence and mutherfuckin’ crab depression, and even the most horrifying thing of all, humans. Can this crew of crab truckers bring the acorns home for their goddess? Will they make the run in time? Can they find a back alley surgeon who will sew a lobster’s penis onto a castrated crab? Listen up, mutherfuckers, and find out!

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