Jan 202012

Once upon a time, in the tiny village of Morp, there lived a group of well-meaning monsters, each a pillar of the community. They lived in peace with the villagers until the day when Sir Steel Hardwood, an intrepid adventurer, arrived in town with his faithful assistant, Gary, to mercilessly slaughter them. Add to this mix the decrepit necromancer, Professor Darkmeyer, his inept apprentice, Kel Lynchpittance, and Kel’s lupine familiar, Peewee, who want to capture Sir Hardwood’s squire and steal the prize he won by slaying the dragon, a scroll with an incantation that can break the curse that Kel accidentally placed on himself and Peewee. It’s a story that only five nerds could come up with, a tale of adventure, obscenity, and idiocy that (we hope) will have you splitting your sides with laughter.

So grab your +3 swords of flaming death, don your genuine replica chain mail, and enjoy this drunken Fiasco Actual Play!

(More info after the break.)

Much like the last Actual Play we posted, this game was created using the Dragon Slayers playset by Logan Bonner.

PLAYERS / Dramatis Personae:

A doodle that Meyer made

The Rag-NERD-rok Shoggoth, as rendered by Billy Meyer

ALEX / Sir Steel Hardwood: A brave knight who kills monsters with Carol, his flaming sword, whether or not they deserve to be killed. When he isn’t slaying innocent creatures, he can be found at the local inn, regaling the patrons with exaggerated tales of his latest triumphs, or rooting through the possessions of his victims with his trusty “loot ladle.”

MEYER / Gary, aka “Anvil”: When Sir Hardwood came to Gary’s village seeking an evil foe to defeat, his fellow villagers gave him up to the crazy warrior. Gary was swiftly defeated, and Sir Hardwood took him as a manservant. Gary has led a pitiful life ever since, serving his dim-bulb master to the best of his ability.

ED / Professor Darkmeyer (no relation): An aged necromancer whose body is literally falling apart. He hopes to secure a younger, stronger vessel to inhabit, but only has Kel, his bumbling apprentice, to help him accomplish this.

RYAN / Kel Lynchpittance: Years ago, Kel’s parents got him an “internship” with Professor Darkmeyer, hoping that it would lead their son into a fruitful career as a necromancer. Unfortunately, they severely overestimated their son’s level of competence in the dark arts, as well as Professor Darkmeyer’s abilities as a teacher. Kel has served his master loyally ever since, manually performing a number of his bodily functions on a daily basis.

ERIK / Peewee The Were-Man: Once a strong and powerful wolf living happily in the wild, Peewee’s life took two unfortunate turns. First, he was involved in a battle with Sir Steel Hardwood, from which both of them emerged with identical scars. Second, he had the bad luck to run into Kel while the butterfingered junior necromancer was looking for a familiar. In one of his typical screw-ups, Kel cast a spell that, instead of binding Peewee as his familiar, transformed him into a werewolf and Peewee into a were-man, doomed to walk upright like some cartoonish, hairless ape on nights of the full moon.

  • Just gotta say, all of the Fiasco adventures I’ve listened to have been utterly hysterical but this one was by far the funniest! My brothers and I are looking for a good place to post our last Camp Death actual play but haven’t found one yet, any suggestions where listeners can post their own Fiascos or APs?

    • RyGuy

      Glad you liked it! We certainly had fun playing, and seeing proof that other people enjoyed it as well is more gratifying than you can possibly imagine.

      As far as posting your own APs, the folks over at Roleplaying Public Radio have a great Community AP site. I see you’re already over there. I used to post my group’s APs on their site until we decided to pool our resources and start our own podcast. They’ve got a few of our Fiascos, as well as some Call of Cthulhu, Mage: The Ascension, and Monsters and Other Childish Things.

      • I broke down and finally just cut the sound quality but I was able to get it uploaded to the site on RPRAP, although someone volunteered to upload the better version so that should be up soonish

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