When we last left our band of Investigators, they had tracked down the source of the mysterious break-ins and assaults in Lancaster, PA: a Germanic holiday gremlin called a Belsnickel who comes as a dire warning to those in mortal danger. In order to keep the townspeople alive past Christmas, they’ll have to face down an ancient witch and her terrifying “pet.” While they tool up for the confrontation, Agent Lundy receives word that the FBI is hot on the trail of Frank Lamont after a former ally of theirs turned state’s evidence, and he decides to join the group in Pennsylvania. In order to gain more intel on their foe, the group summons the nightmarish Carriage Driver, who gives them a number of possibly useful spells. Can Frank and company infiltrate the crypt where the witch sleeps, defeat her and her holiday horror, and escape with their lives? More importantly, is it worth robbing a blood bank to power a Teleport spell? Listen to find out, in the epic conclusion of “Merry Christmas, Frank Lamont!”
The Nettlers (and Taeros) find confrontation beneath the Knifecrag Mountains when they run into Lord Edwardson and his escorts, who have braved the perilous Throat-Cutters’ Caverns in order to purchase a slave army for the royalist cause. After thoroughly (and messily) dispatching the former Lord Mayor of Nettle, they find a map to the secret underground palace of the deep elf slaver Slime, who Pendrel has sworn to dispatch. The group also encounters a wandering thief, a human who calls himself Humble even though he clearly isn’t, and they recruit him to their cause with promises of treasure in the lair of the dracolich. With a new party member along for the adventure, the Nettlers (and Taeros) decide to infiltrate the slaver’s palace by having Pendrel and Barnabas pose as Lord Edwardson’s paige and his bodyguard, while the rest sneak in and free the captives. However, their task might not be as easy as they imagine, for Slime and his gang of deep elves have developed a method of brainwashing that creates suicidally loyal troops. In addition, it just so happens that Pendrel’s former master, the despicable ogre Graytusk, has stopped in to purchase a new love slave. The Nettlers (and Taeros) soon discover that revenge is a dish best served cold, perhaps on whole wheat bread with lettuce and tomato and a little mayonnaise. Can they defeat Slime and Graytusk, free the captives, and continue on with their quest? Listen to find out!
This week’s FATE-powered one-shot was inspired by the Adult Swim short “Too Many Cooks,” a genre-bending, postmodern take on ’80s sitcom intros that evolves from a series of cute sight gags into a mind-bending meditation on narrative conventions. Family man Darren Cook has gotten himself into a real pickle–the bowling league championship is on the same night as his wedding anniversary, and his wife is expecting him to take her on a romantic date! In a ploy that can only lead to madcap hijinks, he decides to take her to the restaurant next door to the bowling alley so that he can do both, without telling his wife or his bowling buddies! Hilarity soon turns to horror when he returns to the restaurant after a successful frame and finds that his wife and the maître d have been butchered by an unknown assailant. It soon becomes evident that the killer is out to destroy the entire Cook clan, and only Darren, his wacky neighbor who thinks he’s a robot, their police captain bowling partner and his sentient overcoat can stop him. Can they figure out the murderer’s motives and put an end to his killing spree before he turns the next family reunion into a mass funeral? Listen to find out!
PRELUDE: Rolling Up A Mystery ◊ New Punishments ◊ Cecil Gets Some Sleep ◊ The Prisoner in The Basement ◊ Graveyard Ghost Party ◊ Teddy Gets Possessed ◊ Down In A Hole, Yet Again ◊ Bargaining with Barry Toink ◊ Operation: Rescue ◊ Unwelcome Insights and Impromptu Exorcisms ◊ In Flagrante Delicto ◊ The Awful Truth ◊ Confronting the Responsible Parties ◊ Dr. Davenfirth [sic] Departs
NOTE: The Dreadful Secrets of Candlewick Manor is still on indefinite hiatus. However, Chris has finished his second round of treatments and will once again be able to join us at the table, so we will be running intermittent sessions until The Nettle Crusades wraps, at which point Candlewick will resume regular updates.
In this frightful episode, our cast of bizarre foundlings are thrown into an investigation which may spell ruin for some of their most treasured relationships. Someone at the Candlewick Home has been holding Dr. Candlewick’s daughter, Wisteria, prisoner in a makeshift basement rubber room, keeping her drugged with powerful narcotics. During their quest to discover the culprit and his (or her) unspeakable reasons for doing this, the orphans will be forced to confront one of their housemates who has regained the use of his commanding telepathic voice, and little Noch will unwittingly provoke a confrontation with the graveyard ghosts from the family cemetery. Can Duncan, Karl, Dotty, Noch, Cecil and Jareth get to the bottom of this mystery, rescue Wisteria and defeat Barry, or will they end up prisoners themselves? More importantly, what will become of Noch’s teddy bear? Listen to find out!
Beyond The Great Pine Forests of the North, beneath the jagged Knifecrag Mountains, there lies a treacherous maze of caves and tunnels known across the kingdom of Wohlsenshire as The Throatcutter’s Caverns. In order to reach the lair of the dracolich Isadora, The Nettlers must first brave the dangers within, including slave-driving deep elves and an unearthly magical force that permeates every chamber. As The Nettlers explore this dreaded subterranean labyrinth, they’ll find themselves confronted with the perils and curious offerings from the deep–but do these magical gifts come with strings attached? Plus, we reveal more about the party’s (counter)revolutionary activities over the past eight months, and Barnabas, their lost paladin, returns, bearing the scars of his time in exile. Will The Nettlers find what they’re looking for in The Throatcutter’s Caverns, or will something truly unspeakable find them first? Listen to find out!